Update on my grandmother:
She is still in MICU on the ventilator. She did undergo surgery yesterday for a tracheotomy. Now we can actually see her face without all of the tape and straps that were there before. As you know, I am a nurse. I work with pulmonary patients on ventilators with trachs. But I will tell you it definitely brings a whole new meaning and understanding to the situation when it is personal. I can't tell you how many times I have been in a situation at my job, where a patient drops their oxygen levels, we turn up the oxygen, sometimes bag them, get them back to what it should be and go about our business. It's somewhat second nature while I am working. The other day, I was in visiting with her and she began to do that. I almost had a complete come apart! I wanted to scream, I wanted to grab the bag because I didn't think that they were doing it right. (They were, I just wanted to do something.) I couldn't do anything. I felt helpless! I have never been in that type of situation with anyone in my family. For the most part, all of my family is pretty healthy. None of us have spent any significant amount of time in the hospital. I thank God for that!
They did diagnosed mamaw with ARDS and I have been doing some research, of course. I have become one of those nosey questioning family members. My attitude has definitely taken an adjustment toward families. We are all just helpless. We live in a right now society. I want my grandmother to get better right now. I want them to be able to wean her off of the sedation medication right now, I want her to move to a floor that I can see her whenever I want, not just at certain times. Right now, Right now, Right now! But there is only two things that I can do about the situation. PRAY! without ceasing. And keep a positive attitude. Mamaw's nurse the other day asked my mother if they had discussed with us how critical mamaw truly was. I think that she might have the assumption that we are being too optomistic. Honestly, I cry everyday. I have terrible thoughts and fears, but you know what? I would never bring that into my granmother's room. All of my negative thoughts are left at the door and I choose not to focus on the negativity. If I did, I would be a puddle in the floor. I choose to walk into her room with my head held high and talk to her just like I would if we were sitting in her sunroom watching gameshows. I choose to trust that she is completely in God's hands and whatever actually happens in the future with her course of treatment/recovery it was all planned out. Before we knew anything was wrong. I can't physically do anything. But I choose to have a positive attitude.
Every day is a roller coaster ride. One step forward, two steps back one day, the next day is two steps forward, one step back. You can never predict what is going to be happening when you walk through those double doors. ARDS is a wait and see diagnosis. Her lungs are so damaged that any change-turning her, changing her, raising her bed, any of the simplest interactions could cause her to drop her levels. We are going to try this, if this doesn't work, we will do this, if that doesn't work, we will try this. So on and so on. I've been reading all different stories about other people's battles with ARDS and the statistics that the studies have shown, but I know that whatever happens, that is what is supposed to happen. I have already witnessed my grandfather sitting in her room reading the Bible constantly searching and looking for scriptures. (That history is definitely another blog.) There has been an outpouring of love and support from so many friends and family. There has not been a day that has gone by that less than 10 people have been there to visit with mamaw or just us. So thank you for your prayers, support and continue to pray and pray hard!