Friday, January 30, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
*Update on Mamaw-Yesterday was interesting. Her blood gases were the best they have been since she has been in, but at 9am her heart started going in overdrive. They had to start her on 2 different meds and finally after 2hours of beating 150-200, it finally converted back to the 60s. Which has been her norm. At some level, that is to be expected with all of the stress that her poor body has been through. I mean letting the vent do all of the work for your lungs and being bound to a hospital bed is bound to take a toll on the rest of your body. Please continue to pray for healing! We believe that miracles do happen!
Saturday, January 24, 2009
She sang "The Prayer" by Andrea Bocelli with his performance on the big screen. Man, it was beautiful Jennifer had that song played at her wedding, so she had a little moment, I think. :) Of course, for the encore, she sang ,"My Heart Will Go On." When Titanic came out- many a moons ago, I went to the theater and watched it 3 times. I have always loved that movie! It was a really great show! It also provided me with a little distraction with everything that is going on right now. When the show was over, we hiked it back to the car and guess what we saw:Really! 21 degrees! I told you it was cold!!! I was really glad that I wore my cute scarf! Thanks so much Jennifer! I had a really great time! Here we are all bundled up on the way home:
***Update on Mamaw: Her xray on Thursday looked better and she has had a pretty steady week with no setbacks! Her doctors are amazed and truly believe that she is a fighter! Maybe a little on the stubborn side too. They have not had to start the heart medication so we are still on our knees daily for more healing!
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Monday, January 19, 2009
The amount of support that my family has received throughout this time has been absolutely amazing! Between Mamaw's church family, our extended family, including in laws, my church friends and work friends, we have been left speechless! God's love is wrapped around us and we are trying to understand and just go day by day. We want her to be comfortable, we want God to work a miracle and we still believe that He can. Keep praying!
Monday, January 12, 2009
I woke up today scared half to death by my wonderful husband. He has been growing a full on beard for 7 weeks. I saw him this morning before he went to church and told him that I wanted to leave for the hospital around 3:30. I heard the bedroom door open and didn't recognize the person standing there. After regaining composure, I realized that yes it was my husband, however, he had shaved and I could see his face. It took me a moment to orient myself to my surroundings and then I was okay. Of course I couldn't go back to sleep after that.
We did get to the hospital to see my grandmother around 4. She is still doing about the same. We are still taking it day by day according to her bloodwork and xrays. She is on the max amount of oxygen. I would be lying if I told you I wasn't a little bummed out. I want improvement and I want it now! Even if it's just a little bit. They still have her on A LOT of sedation medication. While the nurse was changing out her tubing and hanging new bags of fluid, Mamaw started fluttering her eyelids like she was trying to open them. We started talking to her, and one tear fell down her cheek. Devastating! I really held it together for a while. I didn't say anything to my husband or my family. I just internalized it. We went home and watched the season premier of 24. (Big fan, by the way. I know you are shocked, I like another TV show.) On my way to work, I was having flashbacks of being in her room seeing her tear.
Let me just tell you, I have not cried like that in I couldn't tell you how long. I have cried a lot during this entire hospitalization, but I am talking, wailing. Sloppy tears, with snot running down my face. (Sorry TMI!) I even yelled for a minute at God. I want my grandmother back! I want her well, I want her coming to Alabaster and meeting me to have lunch and go shopping. I want to sit with her in her new sunroom watching game shows and joking about how dumb they make us feel. I want things back the way they were before she was sick. I know in my heart of hearts that God is in control. I know that she is going to be okay whether I get the results that I want or not. But today, I am mad! I am hurting! I am a mess-a hot mess! It's just not fair! And now I feel a little better by writing that down. Thanks for reading if you made it through!
Friday, January 9, 2009
I watched the Bachelorette and was bummed when DeAnna picked Jesse over Jason. Now Jason gets to have his choice. I don't necessarily think that this is the best way to pick your future spouse, since only one has been successful, but I love to watch the show. I watched Monday night's premier, and when I saw the previews for the season, I gasped. I cannot believe that DeAnna is coming back to mess with his mind yet again. She apparently realizes she should have picked him in the first place and is back to stake her claim. Whatever! If he chooses her in the end, I may never watch the show again. There is a woman from AL on there too. Go Huntsville! I always have to root for the hometown girl, whether I really like her or not. We will see as the season progresses.
The only other show that I have been able to watch is:
I will admit to being obsessed with this show. It reminds me of when I was in high school watching 90210 (Yes I watch the new version too.) and Melrose Place. It's a little more trashy, but I can't help myself. It came back Monday night. Where was Nate? He wasn't in the episode. Who knows, if you watch the show, I would just like to share that I think that Chuck needs to get over himself, Dan and Serena will never work, Blair is a lot softer than she wants to admit and Jenny needs a new hairstyle. There I go talking about them like they are people I know again. Its crazy to realize how much I let TV and movies truly affect my life. But I am okay with it. :)
I can't wait to get caught up on all of the other shows that I DVR. Maybe one day I will find the time.
It was really good and I must admit that I did shead one tear. Anytime I am at the movies with Kent, I try my hardest not to cry since he thinks I am ridiculous. I feel like one is a victory. I will say that the way the movie is put together, it confused me at the beginning because it has flashbacks in it. Anyway, I figured it out and I really enjoyed it. Last week, we went to see:
I will admit that I am a huge fan of Jennifer Anniston. Friends is my all time favorite TV show and I have watched every movie that she has been in since. I won't say that I have liked all of them, but I do support her. I was devastated when she divorced and have always been on her side. Not that it truly affects my life at all. I was nervous for her when I saw that her and Brad's movies were coming out on the same day, and rejoiced the past 2 weekends that her movie has been #1. It just makes my heart happy. Anyway, I loved this movie! One of the best movies this year. It was a little sad, more than one tear, especially since I had to take my puppy to the vet that day with stomach problems, but he is fine now. I only had to shove pills down his throat for 10 days. :) We also watched:
This was funny! Several years ago I refused to watch another Jim Carrey movie. I thought that they were all just a little too much stupid humor for me. But, I am glad that I changed my mind because I laughed a lot during this one. We also went to the dollar movies for the first time last week. I honestly thought that I had stepped back into 1998, in Cullman, going to our theater there. It didn't have stadium seating and it only had 3 screens. High class let me tell you. Anyway, Cullman has moved up and has a nice big theater now that I don't live there anymore. The Carmike $1 theater is not the most comfortable theater, but for $1 a movie, its super cheap! And totally worth it. We went to see:
I really like Shia LaBeouf. I feel as though he is to this generation what Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt were to me when I was a teenager. The movie was good and definitely worth the $1 I paid for it.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Yes, that is Celine Dion. She will be performing next Thurs night at the BJCC. I was offered a free ticket tonight and I screamed, "YES!!!" I almost bought tickets a couple of months ago, but decided that I didn't need to pay that much for the ticket. God is so good!!! Thanks Debbie!!!
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Okay, 2009!?! It's really 2009! I have so many plans and hopes for the year to come. 2008 didn't exactly end the way that I had expected, but we are definitely hopeful for a great 2009! Some of my favorite highlights of 2008 include:
-One year anniversary trip to Jamaica
-My niece's first birthday
-Many weekend trips with hubs to see some races: Daytona being my fave!
-Girls trip to the beach in September. How much fun was that!?! I love you girls!
-Starting my blog
I could post more, but I will spare you. :)
Now, for 2009, there are some things that I look forward to/plan on happening. Some include:
-My grandmother's health being restored. (Again with the positive thinking.)
-Finding a job where I work no weekends/no holidays (wish me luck on that one)
-Possibly selling the house and moving-we won't discuss the location. That is still undecided.
-Losing 30lbs. Seriously, I am going to do it!
-Paying off more of my debt and saving some money
-Taking another awesome anniversary trip, maybe to Costa Rica or St Lucia
and much, much, more! I am definitely looking forward to all of the great things that God has in store for my family!
She is still in MICU on the ventilator. She did undergo surgery yesterday for a tracheotomy. Now we can actually see her face without all of the tape and straps that were there before. As you know, I am a nurse. I work with pulmonary patients on ventilators with trachs. But I will tell you it definitely brings a whole new meaning and understanding to the situation when it is personal. I can't tell you how many times I have been in a situation at my job, where a patient drops their oxygen levels, we turn up the oxygen, sometimes bag them, get them back to what it should be and go about our business. It's somewhat second nature while I am working. The other day, I was in visiting with her and she began to do that. I almost had a complete come apart! I wanted to scream, I wanted to grab the bag because I didn't think that they were doing it right. (They were, I just wanted to do something.) I couldn't do anything. I felt helpless! I have never been in that type of situation with anyone in my family. For the most part, all of my family is pretty healthy. None of us have spent any significant amount of time in the hospital. I thank God for that!
They did diagnosed mamaw with ARDS and I have been doing some research, of course. I have become one of those nosey questioning family members. My attitude has definitely taken an adjustment toward families. We are all just helpless. We live in a right now society. I want my grandmother to get better right now. I want them to be able to wean her off of the sedation medication right now, I want her to move to a floor that I can see her whenever I want, not just at certain times. Right now, Right now, Right now! But there is only two things that I can do about the situation. PRAY! without ceasing. And keep a positive attitude. Mamaw's nurse the other day asked my mother if they had discussed with us how critical mamaw truly was. I think that she might have the assumption that we are being too optomistic. Honestly, I cry everyday. I have terrible thoughts and fears, but you know what? I would never bring that into my granmother's room. All of my negative thoughts are left at the door and I choose not to focus on the negativity. If I did, I would be a puddle in the floor. I choose to walk into her room with my head held high and talk to her just like I would if we were sitting in her sunroom watching gameshows. I choose to trust that she is completely in God's hands and whatever actually happens in the future with her course of treatment/recovery it was all planned out. Before we knew anything was wrong. I can't physically do anything. But I choose to have a positive attitude.
Every day is a roller coaster ride. One step forward, two steps back one day, the next day is two steps forward, one step back. You can never predict what is going to be happening when you walk through those double doors. ARDS is a wait and see diagnosis. Her lungs are so damaged that any change-turning her, changing her, raising her bed, any of the simplest interactions could cause her to drop her levels. We are going to try this, if this doesn't work, we will do this, if that doesn't work, we will try this. So on and so on. I've been reading all different stories about other people's battles with ARDS and the statistics that the studies have shown, but I know that whatever happens, that is what is supposed to happen. I have already witnessed my grandfather sitting in her room reading the Bible constantly searching and looking for scriptures. (That history is definitely another blog.) There has been an outpouring of love and support from so many friends and family. There has not been a day that has gone by that less than 10 people have been there to visit with mamaw or just us. So thank you for your prayers, support and continue to pray and pray hard!