Tired, exhausted, hopeful, prayerful, waiting, patient, worried, nauseated, sad.
Did you know that you could have that many emotions running through you at once? I don't think I did. My grandmother had a bad day today and they ended up putting in a chest tube and increasing her ventilator settings. They say that she has ARDS. If you don't know anything about that, it's not good.
I know that whatever happens, God is in control. He is our great physician and no matter what the men/women with their college degrees say, anything can happen. It is so hard to just sit and wait. God is definitely trying to teach my entire family patience and understanding that is for sure. But I will tell you it's not easy. It's hard! Sometimes I think that I have too much book knowledge when they start spouting out medical terms and I have a tendency to think way too much!
It doesn't matter that there are about 15 people from my family/mom's church in the waiting room at any given time throughout the day. It's a lonely place! I keep reminding myself of the verse "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." Deut 31:6
It's hard. Really hard. It's hard to eat, hard to sleep, hard to focus, hard to wait. Everything is just hard.